Well apologies for the long break! it seems that I am only just feeling human enough now after almost 4 weeks since little EJ was born! It really is true and I never believed it there are days when you just dont get a shower, days when you dont clean your teeth and eating?! well sometimes that doesnt happen either – I never EVER thought I would be “one of those women!” tee hee but you soon get over it and well it really is all worth the sleepless nights, pooey nappies and vomit down the cleavage at 3am in the morning to see his adoring little face after a nice long sleep

To be honest it has also taken this time for me to process the birth – and to take some time out for myself and my family – very cool being able to say that now! to really bond and to get everything into perspective – hopefully this will be a balanced account for you all!

Sooo the big question?! did I have an ORGASMIC BIRTH???

Well to explain I think I will tell the whole birth story…..

The lead up to the labour wasnt quite as I had planned – lots of relaxing and resting – catching up on all that sleep I had lost and being cool, calm and collected… instead I was a raving lunatic! tee hee I had a sense that the little guy was going to be early and so was in mega nesting mode in the days leading up – had a mini breakdown and was driving Tim almost to the edge with all the things I wanted him to do – he later confessed to me that he was hoping I would have him early so I would stop doing housework!!

Needless to say on Saturday the 5th of December, after asking Pim on the Friday when he was coming and him “telling me” via our little kicking system that he was 2 days away ( which would make him 11 days early)! I sat down, after finishing cooking the last frozen meal in preparation for the birth, across from my mother-in- law and declared ” I would be happy for him to come now – I feel like I have accomplished all that I needed to!” and whoosh my waters broke then and there – talk about being careful what you wish for!!!

It was 1.35pm after a bit of fussing and not quite believing it was happening I sat on the loo whilst the phone rang off the hook – I swear Mum’s have  a sixth sense about things as no sooner had my waters broke then my Mum was on the phone! of course she told my sister and my brother so they were all calling to check up! In the meantime I hung out on the loo and called the Mid-wife and the Doula to let them know we were away!!!

Tim was out at his last engagement before the birth, I had almost gone to with him! so I called him as well – he was a bit disappointed that he wasn’t with me when it happened – I assured him it was just a lot of fluid on the floor really…

He arrived home with the last of the  supplies to find me finishing off a risotto, the midwives had said to continue doing what I was doing so I intended to! we hung out in a bit of a daze for a while not really believing it was happening and telling ourselves it could still be quite some time before I actually had him.

At 5pm the contractions started – very mildly and I am sure like most women do I thought – this isnt so bad!! we ran a bath and I sat in there for a while and as they became stronger I rang the Midwife again to let her know where I was at, the contractions seemed to be progressing quite quickly and the time between getting shorter – Tim was madly running around getting all the hoses and things ready for when the pool arrived (sadly we didnt already have it set up as we were so early!)

I tried to fold some laundry – and Tim kept telling me to stop – he massaged my back and we changed positions together – it was truly a bonding time – despite the intensity I was starting to feel.

My beautiful Doula Liz, called and suggested that she come and just wait in the shed if I wasnt progressing – she wanted to be close by – just in case – I told her there was no way she would be in the shed! she would come and stay with us! so she arrived at about 8pm with Linda my midwife only a few minutes behind her – by this stage the contractions were in full swing and sitting on the birthing ball, I was praying for the pool!! the bath had become WAY too small for me all of a sudden and I knew the water would be a welcome relief.

After a few stops and starts with the birthing pool – the pump was broken and then there was a leak!! we managed to fill it to the right temperature and I climbed in at about 9.30pm Tim and the girls had lit the place up with beautiful candles and the lights were turned down – I felt calm…

The comfiest spot I found was resting on my back with my legs on the edge of the pool – feet sticking out – kind of an unlikely position to bring a baby down and I was a little concerned but both of my birth support people assured me to do what was comfortable.  I stayed in this position for a looong time, the contractions were intense but when there were no distractions ie the phone ringing or someone trying to offer me food or drink or just to talk to me, I was able to go within – I used hypnobirthing techniques I had learned in my meditations to minimise the pain and most of the time Tim, Liz and Linda werent even aware of when I was having contractions.  It was interesting to note the effect that disruption caused as it was impossible for me to maintain that level of calm and surrender when I was being distracted, from this perspective I was so thankful I was at home with people who understood and respected this.  Later Liz wrote that I was totally accepting and surrendering to the energy – and this is exactly how I felt.

I stayed in this position until 12.45am I did experiment with a couple of other positions but found they were too intense so always came back to the same “feet in the air” position.  At this point I began to feel the contractions move, as Linda had told me to expect from the front to the back, and I was also starting to get a pushing sensation, although it wasn’t quite at the pushing stage, it was harder to maintain my inner calm and I started to vocalise the surges as they flowed.  I think I had about 6 of these “new” contractions before I stood up, suddenly clear headed, asked for some food and for Tim to help me to the toilet – I was damned if I was going to poo in the pool!!!

At this point I asked Linda if it was ok for me to push – she assured me once again to trust my body and if that is what felt right then to go for it.  Both Liz and Linda had spent most of their time up until now on the couch monitoring me from afar to allow my body to do what it needed to – I was so grateful and felt very empowered although a couple of times I did wonder if I was “doing it right!”

I didnt want to get off the loo until I got rid of the poo I felt was right there but when I asked about pushing Tim decided he would much rather me back in the pool – he wasnt keen on birthing our son into the toilet!!! So it was back to the pool….

Tim hopped into the pool with me to cuddle and support me he was blown away with how I was handling the labour and he told me how proud he was of me and that I was amazing – we hadnt even seen the head yet!!

It was in this second stage that I felt the closest to orgasmic, the stretching and pushing was so gentle – I was moving in a rhythm and between surges I felt the most overwhelming bliss, Liz wrote in my birth story afterwards that I smiled the most beautiful smile, Tim and I exchanged loving words and I seem to remember kissing him quite a bit in this stage also…. I didnt reach an orgastic state but I do believe I reached an ecstatic state…

At 2.10am Linda showed Tim our baby’s head – he was blown away and said “Our Baby! thats our baby!!”  I was so glad we had watched so many homebirth DVD’s so he knew what to expect as the head coming down can look quite like a rockmelon if you dont know what to expect!

At 2.13am gently, gently and stretching so beautifully our little one was born – he couldnt wait for another contraction and so once his head was free the rest of his body shot out and into his Daddy’s hands.  His eyes were open and he looked like he was swimming for his little life…

I turned around and they passed him to me, he was absolutely beautiful and it took him a little while but he started a hesitant little cry once I spoke to him.

As Liz so succinctly put it “The world stopped”….

I am forever grateful to these wonderful women who made this experience possible, also to Tim, without his trust in my abilities and  his unconditional love it also would have made this experience near impossible.  Both Liz and Linda said it was one of the most amazingly gentle and beautiful births they have witnessed which is quite extraordinary for a first birth, I think I was blessed to have the support and information available to allow me to trust my body and trust my baby enough to do this our way.

It hasnt been all smooth sailing since the birth with a few minor complications – I believe its the Universe making me slow down which I probably would not have done without these little hiccups – and in so doing it has allowed Elijah, Tim and I to bond as a family.

I have some amazing insights that I would love to share more on the Orgasmic Birth phenomena and also the differences between ecstatic and orgasmic birth so stay tuned for when I get a clear-headed day again till then happy orgasming!!!!

Firstly, recently Tim, my partner returned home from the States with flu like symptoms at the time I was probably 34 weeks pregnant, we went pretty much straight to the doctor as we were naturally concerned not only for Tim but for myself and Pim as well.  Thankfully I had been keeping a pretty close eye on what was being said in the media about the vaccine and so had my own opinion based on research about whether or not I would subject both myself and my unborn child to the vaccination.  The answer was pretty much conclusive, 3 weeks worth of testing simply didnt give me enough confidence that this vaccine was proven safe for human consumption let alone an unborn child – so my answer would be a definitive NO.

The Doctor we saw was not our regular doctor (when I say regular – we dont really have one of those but someone who I did trust in the early stages of my pregnancy to examine me!) anyways it wasnt him it was a more convenient local choice that we chose to see given Tim’s state of health and our proximity.

After describing the symptoms the Doctor suggested that I have the Tamiflu shot, before even considering swabbing and testing Tim for Swine Flu – I thought this was a bit weird, but he also then informed us that the shot would take at least 2 weeks to kick in – if I had been exposed to the Swine Flu from Tim I would already have it and the Tamiflu shot would not help one little bit – but his reasoning was – at least then I would be covered in the future?! hmmmm I dont think so!  It gets better from here – we waited for over a week for the results to return and when they did come back we were informed that Tim had had Type A influenza, which means it could have been Swine Flu however that at this point in time they are no longer even testing specifically for Swine Flu!!!!!!!!!!! if we are in such a dire pandamic how come we arent even testing for it anymore? Seems a little strange to me.  Needless to say when I received the following articles along with many others I was very happy that I chose NOT to take any form of swine flu vaccination – please please please do your research before you do too! and inform your loved ones if they are pregnant as well!

This is an excerpt from a post from http://organichealthadviser.com/

U.S. health authorities have made pregnant women one of the highest priority groups for getting the H1N1 swine flu vaccine, but is it actually safe for pregnant women and their babies? Well, the truth is that miscarriage reports from pregnant women who have taken the H1N1 swine flu vaccine are starting to pour in from all over the nation. Vaccines and pregnancy simply do not mix safely. In fact, the package inserts for the swine flu vaccines actually say that the safety of these vaccines for pregnant women has not been established.

What you are about to read below should shock and anger you. If they are telling us that the swine flu vaccine is not safe for children under 6 months of age, then why in the world would it be safe for pregnant women and their babies? That doesn’t make an ounce of sense, does it?

The following H1N1 swine flu vaccine miscarriage horror stories are from a June 2010 birth club…..

EBWashington:

I am so upset. I was so excited to be pregnant after trying for a year. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I joined this birth club and I was due June 25th. We have two healthy boys with no history of miscarriage. Everything was going great. Last Monday, I got the H1N1 vaccine thimerosal reduced (mercury reduced for pregnant women). On Tuesday morning, I started cramping and on Wednesday I started bleeding heavily. My hcg was 50 on Wednesday and I was almost 6 weeks along so it was low. They still thought that I might be pregnant but on Friday my hcg was down to 22. I am an emotional wreck. I feel like I had a healthy baby and I caused this by getting the H1N1 vaccine. My doctors pushed it. I researched online and there have been many miscarriages after the H1N1 vaccine but they haven’t been reported since it is hard to say what caused the miscarriages. I hope that I did not cause this. I wish everyone the best.

Tayla08

I don’t have an answer for you, but a friend of a friend just had a miscarriage 2-3 days after getting the shot. She was 7weeks. She had no previous history of m/c… No one can answer if they’re related…it hasn’t been out long enough and there haven’t been any studies done on pregnant women. I will tell you, that it has made up my mind on getting it…I won’t and I’m not going to get it for my DD either. My daughter and I both had H1N1 last week, and although it truly sucks…I think I’ll take my chances. One doctor will tell you to get it and the next will tell you not too…you have to do what’s in your heart.

90707

my heart goes out to you as i recently miscarried as well and was due in june. i had a healthy heart beat at 6wks. then at 7.5 wks my son got the h1n1 mist vaccine which has live vaccine in it. the nurse said to be careful b/c it could technically spread if he rubbed his nose and touched a surface etc. the next night i miscarried and 5 days later was diagnosed with h1n1. i work from home, kids are home, hadnt been anywhere during that time. so the chances that it is all related are very high. the flu mist vaccine warns for immunocompromised patients (which includes prego) to stay away from recipients of the flu mist for 21 days.

This next set of H1N1 swine flu vaccine miscarriage horror stories is from an About.com page about miscarriage…..

Jo:

I got the flu vaccine (regular not H1N1) at 8 weeks pregnant. Three days later I miscarried. I am not going to get the H1N1.

Regrets:

I got both vaccines on Thursday. I was 9 weeks pregnant. I miscarried on Sunday. I was told by several doctors to get these vaccines. Now I wish I followed my gut feeling and not get them at ALL!

:

i work in a hospital like setting and was told ‘the benefits outweigh the risks” 1am i got the vaccine, 3am i started bleeding and craming, 3pm miscarried. you decide

sue:

I had the H1N1 vaccination and 24 hours later had a miscarriage.

Linda Hill:

My daughter in law was 10 weeks pregnant and had the H1N1 vaccine on Friday that night she miscarried.

SoSorry:

I was so ready to get the H1N1 vaccine last week and they were only giving them to pregnant women. I was 6 weeks along and got it and the next day I started cramping and miscarried. I already had two healthy pregnancies and never miscarried or had any problems. My doctors think I am crazy to think it was the H1N1 but if no one looks into this than other women will not know. I am so sorry that I got it.

Connie:

I also received the H1N1 vaccination on October 22nd, 2009 and went into labor on October 25th, at 16 weeks pregnant and we just heard the heartbeat and everything was fine with my pregnancy on October 16th, 2009, then on October 28th my water broke then on October 29th, I delivered a stillborn baby boy, and no one can tell me why…Everyone wants to say it did not come from the shot but I believe it did. My baby was growing at the correct pace and everyone wants to brush off the vaccination. I say if you have the vaccination and suffer a miscarriage if they are able to perform an autopsy have it done.

I also agree something needs to be done and looked more into with this vaccination because most women are being advised it’s just something that happens, but I also had two healthy children normal pregnancies and when I received this vaccination with my third pregnancy, my baby is gone.

sioux falls, south dakota:

I received the H1N1 vaccine on October 16th and started experiencing cramping on the 22nd. I was nearly 17 weeks pregnant and gave birth to a stillborn baby boy on the 23rd. Like many of the other women here, the first thing I suspected was the H1N1 vaccine. I immediately asked a nurse at the hospital if that would have anything to do with it. Without hesitation, she told me “absolutely not.” I had reservations about getting the vaccine, but followed the advice of my long trusted family doctor. In a follow up appointment with my doctor 3 days after I lost my baby, I asked him if the vaccine would have had any adverse effects on my baby. He also said that it was not possible. I don’t believe that my doctor was necessarily lying to me, he was simply following the accepted practices and opinions of his field. I do, however, believe that as a nation, we are being lied to. This vaccine is NOT safe during pregnancy. There has not been enough testing done to determine this and there are far too many “coincidences” for this to be anything but a result of a vaccine that was hastily pushed into production and distribution in an effort to stop widespread panic. I have read so many stories in defense of the vaccine that will talk about how common miscarriages are, but I would challenge you to ask ANY health care professional how common second trimester miscarriages are. My baby was doing perfect developmentally and I had felt him move earlier that day. My heart goes out to all of you out there who have had to go through the same heartache and loss that I have had in the last couple of weeks. There is no reason that any woman or family should have to go through this. Get the word out to all of the pregnant women that you know. I know that if I had heard that women had been losing their babies shortly after they received the vaccine, I would have followed my gut and not gotten it myself. Maybe then Wyatt would have had a chance at life.

Marina Rossi:

I recently got the H1N1 vaccine and miscarried 3 days later. I thought it could have been the vaccine but didnt ask. After finding this site I believe it was the vaccine. Sorry to everyone else out there who has just experienced a miscarriage.

kathy-sd:

I’m from a town of 2000 in SD, there are several women pregnant and we are all due within a few weeks of each other. Four of us got the H1N1 vaccine 2 weeks ago and one by one each of us started to have preterm contractions. We are all due in Nov and Dec so we are further along than most of the people that lost their babies. There is no way you can tell us that our preterm labor was not caused by the H1N1 vaccine. It may look like a “fluke” to some people when these women are scattered all over the country but we are talking about 4 of us in our small community. My heart goes out to all of you that lost your babies.

ashley:

Im not sure but not only myself, i know someone that withing 4 days of getting the shot we both miscarried, i was only 6 weeks and she was 4 months along, not sure if the shot caused it and cant find any other information but i am a little concerned about this coincidence.

Time Machine:

I got a flu shot in pregnancy, developed incredibly strange symptoms immediately (numb hands, feet and mouth, heart palpitations, sudden weakness in my legs, a bright red face), began bleeding and miscarried by 11 weeks. I had no idea there was mercury in most flu shots but once I found out after the fact, I was assured that I’d had the “mercury free” form. As it turned out, the shot wasn’t completely mercury free and, according to the EPA website, it still had 5,000 times the limit for mercury in drinking water– not to mention a list of other toxins (MSG, formaldehyde, etc.).

I’d had no idea the shots were so dirty. I guess I’d been under the impression they were something like sterile water and a dead virus, that’s it.

The strange symptoms– which I’d been told were “just pregnancy” lasted six months. No one could figure out what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t make stairs, why I felt like I’d been shot with novocaine. I learned later from a book by Jane Hightower that these were all symptoms of mercury exposure. I guess I’m one of those susceptible people. No one in my family is getting the H1N1– no one even gets regular flu shots anymore, we all read labels.

If you are a pregnant mother, please do not take the H1N1 swine flu vaccine.  Instead, do everything that you can do to avoid public places and make sure to wash your hands more than you usually would.  Take extra large doses of immunity building vitamins and research many of the great natural ways for fighting the flu that are out there on the Internet.

The truth is that if you do take the vaccine and then something happens, you will NOT be able to sue anyone (thanks to Congress).  You will have to bear all the responsibility yourself.  That doctor who kept pushing and pushing it on you will tell you that it could not have been the vaccine and that you probably would have miscarried anyway.

Do you honestly want to inject a vaccine that may contain mercury, formaldehyde, polysorbate 80 (associated with infertility), triton X100 (a strong detergent), phenoxyethanol (antifreeze) and a whole bunch of other toxic ingredients into your system when you know that your baby will absorb it too and has no defenses against most of these things?

In the very short video posted below, you will see one health expert explain to Sean Hannity that not even the swine flu vaccine package insert says that it is safe for pregnant women…..

The reality is that if you are pregnant, you need to hear what both sides have to say before ever subjecting your baby to the swine flu vaccine.  You do NOT want to end up like one of the mothers above.  Please help us out by sharing this information with as many people as you can.  If you know of any additional H1N1 swine flu vaccine miscarriage horror stories please post them below in the comments section.

Its an interesting thing this orgasmic birth subject, I was writing something today about pleasure vs pain and how our society is so pain focused we only have to turn on the telly to watch the news and see how painful our world is – and this can be gotten at any time of the day on the hour every hour if we want! Sure there are inspirational stories shared from time to time but lets face it – its not what sells.

Then we have the other end of the spectrum with the porn industry one of the biggest in the world where people are experiencing pleasure or portraying pleasure, yet its shunned and considered dirty – and rightly so in some cases.

Isn’t there a happy median in between?  How different would our society be if we shared pleasurable stories instead of painful ones?

Its funny how sometimes it can even become a competition as to who has experienced more pain in conversations! it truly doesnt make sense… how different would it be if we shared pleasurable stories and got competitive about them!? granted sometimes when the girls get together that can happen and I am sure it does with boys as well, but why is it so underground?! why have we made pleasure a bad thing?

I had a beautiful friend write to me today, upset that she wasn’t able to help someone she loved have a more pleasurable birth, she felt by sharing the information of ecstatic and orgasmic birth and her own ecstatic birth experience with this woman she had somehow let her down when her birth experience turned out to be quite traumatic.  Her grief was palpable and my heart went out to her.

I pondered this for a while,  and thought of all the stories that have been willingly shared with me over my pregnancy, many including horror stories, pain, emergency, hospital, stitches, rips, tears, unimaginable distress and hurt.  This one beautiful friend had shared her pleasurable story with me, giving me a lifeline amongst all of the negativity, a positive light that it is possible to experience pleasure, giving me a real life contact who I can discuss these ideas with.

Yes I have done my own research and watched DVD’s and seen ecstatic and orgasmic birth in this way but having someone in my own circle share her story truly empowered me to believe it was possible for me, right here, in my home, in Australia!!!

If her experience had been negative and she had shared this with her loved one, would she have felt the same level of distress? I dont think so, why then do we have such trouble sharing pleasure????

This exact subject is broached on the Orgasmic Birth DVD and they encourage women who do have these ecstatic experiences to speak out, to talk to others, to let them know its possible, I agree – and I guess in my own small way it is the difference I am trying to make with this blog.

It suddenly dawned on me today – and it may have been obvious to you guys all along! but I suppose what I am trying to do with my quest is to discover if we can make a difference to our experience, if we can -  by preparing our body, mind and spirit positively impact on our birth and make it pleasurable rather than painful!  I know I am daft! but I guess all of the literature I have read and the information I have seen, its almost as if the orgasmic birth has been a surprise, that it wasnt necessarily planned, it just kinda happened! So what is the key ingredient?

Just like when athletes break records that people never thought possible, just like when science makes a breakthrough that was before considered impossible, once we open the realm of possibilities we open our minds and our hearts to achieving different outcomes…

I must admit, although I have this blog, I am guilty of being reserved sometimes in who I tell about my quest, whether I use the word orgasm or ecstatic to tone it down a bit, I dont have my blog address on my email signature and I havent told my in-laws and most of my extended family of my intention! Why? fear of judgement, fear that it might be too radical, fear of talking of pleasure?!!! what is that about truly?  Social conditioning perhaps…

My response to this dear friend was simply that surely if we know there are other possibilities other than pain in birth – which is what she demonstrated to her loved one, then we empower women to go and find their truth, it is not our responsibility to ensure they have this experience, as no-one can govern anothers experiences in this world, but we definitely give some options – I think thats pretty amazing in itself and I know that personally I would prefer to know this beautiful story then to not know – even if my birth doesnt go the way I exactly plan, I am certain that I have done everything possible in my power to allow for this experience to happen and I am content in knowing whatever type of birth I have it will be an empowered one!

Have a wonderful week and try it for yourself – share a pleasurable story this week and see how its received – it doesnt need to be explicit or sexual – just pleasurable – that can even be about eating a yummy ice-cream!

x

36 weeks tomorrow and I am cheating a bit but below is a pic of me at Noosa last week – so technically 35 weeks – wow what an amazing place – and a beautiful nudie beach!!! Tee hee

This has been a transformational week for me, we are very, very,  very close to being assured that we are safe to homebirth and I am feeling quite happy and excited about that – I think for myself the real cut-off is next Friday and then we will be home and hosed (pardon the pun!).

I have been feeling like a few little pieces of the puzzle have been missing in my own healing and that I may need some assistance before the birth – some clearing, perhaps some clarity, and definitely some understanding about a few things and thankfully I was referred to a wonderful woman – Frances by a gorgeous friend of mine.  Frances happens to live in my area BONUS!! So yesterday I went to meet this wonderful healing spirit and was truly astounded by not only her gifts as a healer, but also her absolute generosity of time and what we were able to achieve.

Frances and I spent 7 hours together – I KNOW! Crazy! Now I am not suggesting that this is what we all need but I can tell you what I walked out of there a heck of a lot lighter and with a whole lot more clarity than when I went in…

I consider myself to be rather progressed on my healing journey – I don’t think it ever ends but certainly I had felt that there were things in my life that had been dealt with and that I had been able to move on from, well it seems that this wasn’t quite the case with 7 hours of work with Frances confirming this!!

My aim in meeting with Frances was to clear any issues I was still holding on to in order to be in the best possible place for the birth of our little Pim, so with no other intention other than that, I arrived on Frances doorstep! Very unlike me – I am usually pretty specific but fluidity really was key to this session working as well as it did.

The issues that we addressed were varied ranging from my own conception and birth, my relationships with my loved ones, my love relationship with Tim, my relationship with Pim! And deep emotional and physical trauma that had affected me at a deep level – and without going into all of the gory details I would like to share some of this experience with you.

One of the areas I found fascinating was the regression – I was able to recall my feelings and my mothers’ feelings at 6 months, 7 months and 8 months of pregnancy and then again the day before she went into labour! I know it sounds kinda out there and as I have never done any regressional work before I found it to be quite strange at first, strange but amazingly powerful in understanding how patterns were formed from that very young and vulnerable state and how they still exist today!  And the best part about it was that after creating this awareness I was then able to work through a way to change these behaviours that will not only benefit myself and my mother but also my new baby!  This also really reinforces my understanding that Babies really do know what is happening when they are in the womb and we need to start treating them with respect and intelligent human beings from the date of conception!

Another area which shocked me was also to do with some regressional work to do with my sexual abuse, you see I had thought that I had blacked out when the attack happened, that I had no memory and to that end, I guess I was never 100% sure that it was indeed abuse – that I hadn’t “asked for it”.  This kind of guilt and shame is rampant in rape and abuse victims and I guess I felt that I had on some level dealt with it through previous work that I had done – and whilst this was true there was definitely a bit more to go!

Through my session with Frances, I was actually able to tap into the memories that had chosen to shut down in my psyche, I was able to retrieve what had happened and be truly sure that my soul had in no way asked for or wanted the attack and that it was through no fault of my own that it had happened, in fact it became very apparent that the attack was pre-meditated and went a lot deeper than I ever knew – pretty heavy stuff, but what a relief to be free of such damaging thoughts and such painful trigger points in my body!

You see, I have been practicing my yoni massages almost daily and one of the reasons I sought some extra healing was because try as I might there were still some areas that just wouldn’t release and I couldn’t tap in to… they were still painful! well needless to say these areas were relating to this past trauma and whilst a lot had been cleared there was still quite a bit hanging on.

I must say I am blessed with a very open mind, this type of healing work may not suit some people, but what I would urge you to do if you are an expectant Mum or a partner, is to seek help in some way to clear any past issues that you feel may arise in birth – because if its one thing I have learnt on this journey of pregnancy, if its there it will surface and from what I am told, birth is even more intense!  The more we can clear this stuff or even have an understanding of where it comes from and why, then the better chance we have of birthing in the way we want to – pleasurably!!!!

Happy orgasming!!! oh and for anyone interested in contacting Frances or for other healing modalities that I would recommend please dont hesitate to contact me! Frances web address is : www.healingwingsoflight.com and she is based in Tamborine on the South side of Brisbane.

I guess for women it’s a similar experience to PMS or PMT whatever label we choose to give it – but I wonder what is deeper, at the heart of this emotional turmoil, whether it is natural and for what purpose?

Our bodies are simply amazing and at no other time is it as evident as during pregnancy, to think that a baby can take seed, develop and grow all within 9-10 months to a fully formed human being is just astounding and when you are either witnessing these changes in a loved one or experiencing it for yourself it really is nothing short of a miracle!!

So surely the emotional side is part of this experience as well? We are stretched and expanding beyond our wildest imaginings in the physical body, so too I am finding, with the emotional body.

For me it has been a deep sense of loneliness, it’s a depth that I have never before experienced and has had me awake at 3am, tossing and turning on the couch, in tears…. in torment and spiralling downwards only to find with the dawn of the new day, although tired, it subsides as I busy myself with what needs to be done….

So is this normal I wonder? Is anyone else feeling this?

I have done some internal analysis into these feelings and rationally there is no reason to be feeling the depths of despair and loneliness that I have been, but hey we arent talking rational here either right?

I am surrounded by loving supportive people, my partner, my family, my partners family, my friends, my community – demonstrated only too well on the weekend with my baby shower… yet still this feeling lingers.

I think perhaps to a degree this feeling of loneliness is justified, being pregnant means that whilst you have support – eventually, you and your body are alone when the birth arrives, it is you that labours and delivers this long awaited little human into the world, mostly under your own steam – that can definitely be daunting! Yet this isn’t what troubles me and in fact I am excited about the birth and the pending labour and all that goes with it…

For me it feels as if I may be re-living some of the past happenings at my own birth, that I may be tapping in to the depth of loneliness and fear that my own mother felt at this time. Some of the research that I have done really backs up this theory and to me makes sense.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t wish to “put” this on my mother ( and we have discussed this together) but to simply bring awareness that this is possible. You see, her experience was very different to my own, and at the time of my birth she was very much alone, something which I cant even begin to imagine being so close to delivering my own little one – I am finding it a stretch emotionally and physically, even with all of the wonderful support that I do have, how do single mums do it???? Especially those without the support of their family?

It seems to me that society has it all wrong, single mums should be revered and respected not shunned and dismissed – perhaps its not quite as bad these days, but it was definitely the case in her day and it makes me even more distressed that after all her bravery and strength of enduring this transformational life experience on her own that she was then considered less in society – truly astounding.

I guess what I want though here is for people to really understand that what happens in our own birth experience can potentially impact on us, particularly during pregnancy and birthing our own children. I would urge you to find out what happened with your own birth and look at it before you are ready to bring your own little ones into the world. I also believe it’s a worthwhile exercise for partners to do, to understand their birth and how it happened, as “stuff” could come up for them as well during the birth of your own child… and well I don’t know about you – but I only want to pass on the good stuff and leave the rest to history – in the past where it belongs.

I have had many people say to me- what was your mothers experience at birth? How have the other women in your family given birth? This will be some indication of what your own experience will be – I say bollocks – yes, its wonderful to be aware and to especially deal with any emotional baggage that may be lingering as I believe this can most definitely impact on an emotional level without us even knowing, but I also believe you create your own physical experience, you create your own state of mind, you create your own attitudes and beliefs around what is possible for you, your partner,  and the birth of your  baby and sure whilst medical conditions and perhaps complications should be noted – they are not something that need to be your focus.

You are an individual and no 2 women are the same, go forth and create your own experience – whatever that may be for you…. Do it with awareness, love and authenticity.

That’s enough for my bandwagon today! Have a wonderful week beautiful souls….and if anyone has any questions, would like some guidance on how to approach this with their own mothers or partners or even just have a comment, please dont hesitate to contact me – I am only too happy to talk it through with you!

After my amazing few days with the wisdom of many midwives and doulas, I came away armed with not only a midwife that had space at late notice for me but who is able to solve our cashflow problem by taking the payment directly out of the baby bonus – I also somehow managed to wangle a Midwife and Doula for the price of one Midwife!? I feel so happy and excited with my decision – telling the family has been interesting but I must share this story with you!

I was referred to the Linda who will be attending my birth as my midwife and Tim and I were yet to meet her.  My sister had come out to spend the day with us when Linda was scheduled in – as things tend to go the universe was working with us and my sister – Gabe and Linda happened to be here at the same time! Now for any of you who know my sister she is very much staunch in her beliefs of safety first and well lets just say I am the hippy of the family – so I was pretty prepared for her to be quite against the idea of homebirth and to perhaps even dislike Linda….

Well not to be – you could have knocked me over with a feather but her comment – while Linda was still present was “Paige this (homebirth) is the only way you can do this! Its totally you and if you try to do it any other way it just wont be right” – ok so that was good but THEN my Mum shared with me that she actually came home and commented to Mum that she might even consider homebirth after hearing what Linda had to say – holy crapola – I seriously never EVER thought I would see the day when she would be “potentially” converted! So needless to say I was impressed with Linda and well the doula is my lovely Liz from the Creating Space for Baby workshop – Tim is yet to meet Liz but that will be happening this week and like I said it just feels RIGHT!

Linda comes equipped with everything we need and has even put her Chrissy plans on hold until Pim arrives! She works part-time as a Hospital midwife at the John Flynn Hospital so we know that she is up with all the latest “stuff” and have every confidence that her 10 years of midwifery experience and her strong partnership of working with Liz will stand us in good stead!

So what changed my mind?

Ultimately there were too many compromises– I discovered the reasons why a woman may be transferred out of the birth centre into the hospital and there were quite a few reasons, I also found out the rate of transfer which for me was scarily high.

With the hiring of 2 new midwives to the Nundah caseload team – I was not guaranteed to get a Midwife that had the correct Water birth qualifications which may have compromised my choice in having a water birth if I so chose to go that way.

Don’t get me wrong – I have had a great experience with each of the midwives who have seen me through the Birth Centre however at 33 weeks pregnant I still have not met each of the potential midwives who may be attending my birth – so how do I know I will be comfy with the one I get?

Also I was informed that it happens, and quite regularly that you could turn up and there may not be an available midwife to attend to you in the Birth Centre! Which means a direct transfer to hospital.  For me, personally that would absolutely destroy me – considering the agonizing I have been through to weigh up which way to go, as I said – too many variables….

I want to know I have given natural birthing and orgasmic birth my best shot – whether it happens to plan or not and I feel that homebirth really is my only option to do it my way as best I can!

So now its just a matter of seeing when little Pim decides to arrive – I keep joking that it might be Christmas day in which case we can all jump in the birthing pool together – interestingly there haven’t been too many takers for that – ha ha!

Supporting my Choice

As mentioned  my sister is on board which means a lot to me, My mother, bless her soul is always on my side J and well Tim has just been amazing – he wants what’s best for me and Pim and what I am most comfy with, I know he is still more comfy with the Birth Centre but is being 100% supportive which I find truly amazing.  He keeps telling me how proud he is of me and my efforts to bring our baby into the world magically – I love him for that…

Tim’s parents are still warming to the idea but have been fair in their reactions and comments which I am thankful for! and everybody else? It seems the ones who know me, who know birth and who trust the divine wisdom of the female body are 100% supportive- I guess I cant ask for much more than that?!

Stay tuned – more adventures to come in the meantime – happy orgasms!!!!!!!!!

I am finding it difficult to start this blog as my head feels as if its spinning from my past 3 days of immersion with some truly wise and beautiful souls who probably unknowingly have given me the most wonderful gift of insight into birth.

As mentioned in my previous blog, I was the only non-birth educator to attend this workshop and hence the conversation surrounding me was free flowing about a lot of things that weren’t even part of my awareness until this 3 days – granted a lot – ok MOST of the terminology went well over my head but I feel as if I have gained an immense amount of knowledge just the same.

Firstly I want to honour and thank the wonderful women who were not only presenting but who were participating in the course, I felt apart of a very special group of people so much so that I am actually reconsidering my decision to have my baby at home again!

One particularly Doula (birth supporter) really touched my heart and has given me a lot of food for thought! Stay tuned, the cogs are in motion and there may be some changes on the homebirth front!

Secondly I am very passionate about sharing this wonderful work – not only with you guys but with any other women you know who are pregnant! The whole feel of this workshop was about sharing information and some of this stuff is oh so simple but can truly make the difference between birthing naturally and with intervention – and its all stuff that we as mothers can take responsibility for!

So onwards and upwards – just what did Day 2 and 3 reveal?! Firstly I had some great advice on a range of different things that had been on my mind and I would love to share these with you – things like stretchmarks, softening the cervix in preparation for birth and how to boost the ever important iron levels whilst pregnant – naturally!

So the suggestions were these – as I fronted up with another awful rash on my tummy – once again probably more to do with my inner turmoil but also definitely this started as a skin irritation from Bio-oil – I just cant do it! My skin is way too sensitive and when I mentioned this to the ladies their suggestion was to go with a natural sweet almond and apricot kernel oil which can be purchased from “Handmade Naturals” in West End.

They also said that this is the best thing for stretch marks but also ensuring that you have enough zinc in your diet is another tip Often skin irritation can be to do with the liver as well apparently so dandelion tea is a wonderful way to flush out the liver.

Nettle tea is wonderful for boosting iron levels which has definitely been something that I have needed throughout my pregnancy! And later in pregnancy to help with the softening of the cervix mixing this with some raspberry leaf tea as well will help.

Now as you know I have been quite conscious throughout this pregnancy of the fact that I have had a LETZ procedure and lucky for me I got to ask Jenni about her experience with both the woman that alerted me to this as a potential issue (as she was on the Big Stretch DVD directed by Jenny!) The general consensus was that every woman is different, it also depends on what else is going on and yes there are ways to prepare the cervix – whoo hooo!

One of those ways is evening primrose oil – taken orally but also used topically inside the vagina! I am using capsules for oral consumption and actually got some oil from Handmade Naturals for the other.

A book that was constantly referred to in this session and one which you may have already heard of is Holistic Midwifery by Ina Gaskin, and my beautiful Doula friend – Liz Leys also lent me a DVD produced by Heather Bruce entitled “ What Dad’s can do” which shows expecting Dad’s how massage can work a treat on our beautiful bodies! her website is www.heatherbruce.com.au/pregnancy.

So back to the course – phew there is so much stuff!!

Days 2 & 3 really focused on the practical and applying these everyday exercises to the last weeks of your pregnancy – really the benefits come from daily practice from week 32 onwards.

Fi and Jenny both shared their wisdom on completely letting go of the muscles in the pelvic floor area as well as showing an easy exercise for gaining awareness of the cervix. I think that I will eventually develop an exercise page on my blog where you can refer to?!

It might be easier than trying to explain here!!! I suppose the big thing for me was that although people constantly talk about pelvic floor exercises its not often clear on what needs to be done, how many and HOW?! This was all explained which put my mind at ease – as it was manageable and easy!

From here we moved into some more targeted maneuvers that can be applied during labour to literally give a few more centimeters of space which is often all that is needed to safely birth our babies! – aptly entitled “The hip lift” and “The Sacral Hinge” we were stepped through these exercises in a way that was easy to pass on to others – and I cant wait to do just that!!!

Truly amazing how much the body, with a bit of awareness can open so wonderfully…. And naturally!

Ah and I got my wish with the Reboso! I got many turns at being the dummy for this and it was truly wonderful – the feeling of your hips being suspended and gently jiggled is surprisingly wonderful and relaxing, although I have been home now for a little while – we probably haven’t done it as much as I would have liked but its on the agenda!!!

This is such a long post and I feel as if I really haven’t done this course justice! But what I would like to do is extend the offer to give more information on each of these if you want it – so feel free to let me know! Oh I almost forgot!!!

The most important thing and something that really made me feel at home was the “Internal Work” now those of you who have read my blog will be aware of how I feel about Yoni Massage – BRING IT ON! Well essentially these women are crusaders for just that – terminology slightly different but massive advocates just the same and it was wonderful to be stepped through how they recommend women do this! Once again – an exercise which is best practiced from 32 weeks onwards on a daily basis for 10minutes – so far so good for me!

For those of you just tuning in – basically this is internally massaging the vagina – steering clear of the cervix if you are pregnant but feeling for “tight” spots and focusing on these – much the same as you would for massage in any other part of your body – until the tension melts away! How truly amazing this is not only for pregnancy but for releasing tension and trauma in our bodies!

So as this has turned into a great big huge post I am going to sign off – much much much more to come but in the meantime shoot me through any questions and happy orgasms

I arrived to a very cool space called the Anahata Yoga temple and not much to my surprise but I seemed to be the only non-birth educator in the room but it didn’t phase me too much, I was made to feel welcome and, well the belly always helps – Thanks PIM!

Initial introductions were done and I was surprised at how comfy I was with sharing that my intent for being there was simply to learn more about how my body works, to be able to pass on this information to others I encounter and also to of course help me along my path of Orgasmic Birth! I feel this may have been met with slight disbelief amongst these women who the majority have all birthed children themselves and are midwives or Doulas – but hey I love the shock factor and am all about the power of intention – if I cant share my real intentions with a group of experienced birth people such as these then who am I going to share it with?!!!

The first part of the morning was spent on really looking at the pelvis, identifying “our space” and understanding how we “connect” together in that region – what influence our muscles and tension can have on this all important part of our anatomy and I heard for the first time the phrase dynamic anatomy – I hope to learn more about this in the coming days!

Without giving away too much of the course and outline (in case you may want to do it for yourself!) I was able to measure my space, which I might add I am quite proud of!!! And have no qualms now in knowing that even if PIM is a rather large baby – which he is shaping up to be so far! That we should have no trouble fitting his head and body through my space yipppeeeeeee! Tick number 1 for my list of things to accomplish this weekend! I also learned that even if this was to be a “problem” there are a number of ways to overcome different sized “spaces” which was fabulous to hear – as we wouldnt want a small thing like narrow hips to inihibit our natural birth experience right?!

We also learned some valuable techniques for breathing, and relaxing different muscles – I found this quite enjoyable both giving and receiving as it was amazing being able to actually feel the muscles relax in another person! From here we briefly looked at a thing called the rebozo – I had personally never heard of this before but I can tell you right now, Tim and I will be having some fun with this when I get home!! Ha ha

Essentially it is a stretch of cloth almost like a shawl that is multi-purpose, one such purpose is to relieve the hips and back muscles of a pregnant woman by simply maneuvouring this trusty piece of cloth into the right position and kinda jiggling! Now whilst I didn’t get a turn today – I Am DEFINITELY going to be lining up tomorrow to see how this works!

And apparently its quite awesome to see the pregnant woman’s belly relax into the motion so I am hoping they need a volunteer We will also be learning some other uses for the Rebozo tomorrow so I am also very excited about that!

The day seemed to fly and even though I am not 100% on top of all the birthing “lingo” I felt as if I gleaned so much useful information not just from the women presenting but the wonderful women present! Very blessed to be in such a knowledgeable and experienced room of people and yet still have the very real sense that I was not out of place and that in some cases I was quite knowledgeable about different things also!

Would I recommend this to other expecting Mums? ABSOLUTELY and I am only up to day 1! Stay tuned for the next installment – I have just found out that I have internet at my B&B whooo hooo!

Off to do some more visualization and exercises focusing on my cervix – its to be paid homage apparently and I intend to do so!!!

I have learnt at least 5 practical ways to implement this information from today and these wonderful women are all about sharing so if anyone wants to know more and you are unable to attend classes yourself then please dont hesitate to contact me and I can run through some stuff with you for sure!

Love and orgasms!!!

The Dvd is Called “ What Babies Want” I actually got it from the Sarah Buckley website and had taken my time in watching it as thought it was more to do with after bub is born – BUT I was mistaken – this is a must see for any pregnant couple!!! And has loads of valuable insight that is applicable from the first moment of conception!

Conscious Beings

Its no secret these days that babies are conscious little beings that are deeply affected by the love and nurturing they receive. Whilst I thought I was quite aware of this – this DVD really put some things into perspective – not least of all how I felt about my diet and what I have been feeding my little Pim throughout the pregnancy. I believe I have been relatively good – although I DO have a sweet-tooth and chocolate chip cookies have been quite a downfall throughout and I must admit to not completely giving up coffee either – I KNOW its terrible!!!! And to be honest I am really thinking twice about what goes into my mouth after seeing this movie. Not that it focuses on diet or any area particularly it just focuses on how much our little bub’s in utero are communicating with us and how much they are feeling and hearing and how much they are affected by our emotions, thoughts, words and well I guess I translate that also to the physical food we are feeding them as well!

Tim also watched this with me and whilst he would be very upset for saying so – it also brought a tear to his eye – not least of all when they showed scenes of babies being roughly handled at birth as if they were a piece of meat… If anything it has reinforced our determination that nothing will separate myself, Tim and Pim from the first moments of birth to allow the bonding process to happen completely and fully which is being proven time and time again as so so soooo valuable! And if for some reason I am not able to be there then Tim will have skin to skin and eye contact with Pim so at least he can bond with his Dad until I am available as well….

Bonding Time

I am now also feeling very lucky that our little one is due in December as I believe from other readings and this DVD that time within the home – allowing the baby to adapt to “life on the outside” is imperative to a newborn feeling safe and secure as they enter this crazy world – and well even though Christmas can be crazy it can also be a good time to hibernate in the home – I am really excited actually!

Sadly our copy of the DVD keeps having meltdowns – I think secretly that the Universe is deliberately feeding us a little bit at a time to give us time to digest it and fully understand what is being said – so there are still a couple more chapters to go…

Healing traumatic birth experiences?

I know from my own experience, which I have mentioned in previous blogs, my own sense of worth and self-esteem was deeply affected by circumstances during my gestation and speaking with a girlfriend of mine recently she shared another story which I thought was quite literally amazing….

For privacy sakes lets call the Mum, “mum” and the son “son”

Mum and son always had quite a strained relationship due to Son believing he wasn’t wanted! Mum was mortified that he felt this way and could not work out why he felt this way or what the issue was…

Years later a spiritual-type person approached her one day – quite out of the blue and gently shared with her that he knew the reason why her Son felt the way he did and acted the way he did and it had nothing to do with her directly, but with an incident that had occurred when she was 4 months pregnant with her son.

When Mum thought back she was reminded of a terrible argument she had had with her Mother when she found out she was pregnant, her Mother made her feel as if she shouldn’t be having the baby and that she was too young, she withdrew all support and it was very traumatic for Mum.   It turns out that Son had consequently felt that this was how Mum had felt also and had carried with him this grief for his whole life.

The power to Heal!

The good thing about this DVD is that they say healing around birth can happen at any stage, if you have a traumatic birth then speak with your baby whenever you can – even if its years later and tell them what happened – talk them through how you could only do your best and if you had it your way it would have been different. Skin to skin contact or body moulding, hugging (whatever you want to call it!), eye contact and gentle soothing sounds work at any age not just when we are babies…..

This DVD – “What Babies Want” has really given me the gift of knowing that even if the birth of my little Pim doesn’t go exactly how I plan, I have the power to heal any trauma or grief that my family may experience by simply being loving, truthful and with simple communication, no matter what happens and at what stage I feel ready to approach it….

If you know of anyone who has had a similar experience perhaps it would be good to let them know that there is something they can do about it – I can think of a few people,  myself included!

Still no pics as the camera is still stolen and now I cant download pics from my new one cause i have the wrong connections! Doh! Soon though!!!! oh and I am 30 weeks this week! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Now onto the topic! To be quite honest I know very little about this topic and whilst I would love to think that I will breastfeed my Pim I have no idea whether that is actually going to be possible. Recently I was sent a survey to answer on breastfeeding – I am not quite there yet so passed it on to some friends who have little ones on the outside already for their opinions.

I received back quite a heart wrenching reply from a good friend of mine who was unable to breastfeed and she told me her story….

Bleeding and cracked nipples, fainting because she couldn’t keep up the supply of milk required for her baby and all of this following a traumatic birth experience where she almost died – amongst all of this she was made to feel inadequate just because she couldn’t breastfeed? Over a year later it still upsets her to speak of it….and brings tears to her eyes.

She isn’t the only one who has had horror stories about their experience in trying to breastfeed, the pressure they have felt under, the judgement and scrutiny they have been subjected to and then the emotional angst that has surrounded the fact they were simply unable to do this!

It got me to thinking… most of my research about this pregnancy, birth and early motherhood business has been about ensuring your baby feels safe and protected, that the Mother and Father are emotionally supported and as stable as possible. Surely with all of this pressure it would be quite impossible for a mother new or otherwise to feel adequate when this is going on?

I wonder what sort of support or counseling there is available to women who want to breastfeed and are unable to?  It seems to me that some of the beautiful mothers I have spoken to still have a lot of grief about this problem.

I am all for breastfeeding, and yes I will do it if I am able to but I sincerely hope that if I am unable to, that I have the love and support of my family and those carers around me to feel ok with that. I think our world in all its wisdom has lost sight of what’s really important, if we as mothers are upset and emotionally distraught over such things that are out of our control, surely what benefits there would have been from breastfeeding are now cancelled out and replaced with the guilt, angst and emotional pain which is directly passed on to our babies.

I think that being educated about the benefits of breastfeeding, the discomforts and situations such as mastitis that might arise, and perhaps not just support for breastfeeding mothers,  but for those who can not,  might also be a good idea!!

And to be honest I haven’t looked for such a thing so it may already exist – but just a thought!

Do you know of anyone who has faced this dilemma? Do you know of any support groups out there?

I hope that I am strong enough to be present to my own needs as well as those of my baby when the time comes for breastfeeding – I think this is really and truly the key…. happy mum = happy bub… if you ask me!

My quest is about being true to oneself and embracing motherhood and all of its wonders, I believe there are lessons in whatever our experience happens to be… the less judgement and guilt applied by outside parties the better we will all be!