The Emotional Interior

It’s a given in society that being pregnant means mood swings, one moment you’re a loving beautiful soul the next moment a ranting, roaring banshee! Completely irrational and out of control…. Well perhaps not that bad but sometimes that’s the way it feels isn’t it?! Being told – its ok your just “pregnant & emotional ” really doesn’t help either!

I guess for women it’s a similar experience to PMS or PMT whatever label we choose to give it – but I wonder what is deeper, at the heart of this emotional turmoil, whether it is natural and for what purpose?

Our bodies are simply amazing and at no other time is it as evident as during pregnancy, to think that a baby can take seed, develop and grow all within 9-10 months to a fully formed human being is just astounding and when you are either witnessing these changes in a loved one or experiencing it for yourself it really is nothing short of a miracle!!

So surely the emotional side is part of this experience as well? We are stretched and expanding beyond our wildest imaginings in the physical body, so too I am finding, with the emotional body.

For me it has been a deep sense of loneliness, it’s a depth that I have never before experienced and has had me awake at 3am, tossing and turning on the couch, in tears…. in torment and spiralling downwards only to find with the dawn of the new day, although tired, it subsides as I busy myself with what needs to be done….

So is this normal I wonder? Is anyone else feeling this?

I have done some internal analysis into these feelings and rationally there is no reason to be feeling the depths of despair and loneliness that I have been, but hey we arent talking rational here either right?

I am surrounded by loving supportive people, my partner, my family, my partners family, my friends, my community – demonstrated only too well on the weekend with my baby shower… yet still this feeling lingers.

I think perhaps to a degree this feeling of loneliness is justified, being pregnant means that whilst you have support – eventually, you and your body are alone when the birth arrives, it is you that labours and delivers this long awaited little human into the world, mostly under your own steam – that can definitely be daunting! Yet this isn’t what troubles me and in fact I am excited about the birth and the pending labour and all that goes with it…

For me it feels as if I may be re-living some of the past happenings at my own birth, that I may be tapping in to the depth of loneliness and fear that my own mother felt at this time. Some of the research that I have done really backs up this theory and to me makes sense.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t wish to “put” this on my mother ( and we have discussed this together) but to simply bring awareness that this is possible. You see, her experience was very different to my own, and at the time of my birth she was very much alone, something which I cant even begin to imagine being so close to delivering my own little one – I am finding it a stretch emotionally and physically, even with all of the wonderful support that I do have, how do single mums do it???? Especially those without the support of their family?

It seems to me that society has it all wrong, single mums should be revered and respected not shunned and dismissed – perhaps its not quite as bad these days, but it was definitely the case in her day and it makes me even more distressed that after all her bravery and strength of enduring this transformational life experience on her own that she was then considered less in society – truly astounding.

I guess what I want though here is for people to really understand that what happens in our own birth experience can potentially impact on us, particularly during pregnancy and birthing our own children. I would urge you to find out what happened with your own birth and look at it before you are ready to bring your own little ones into the world. I also believe it’s a worthwhile exercise for partners to do, to understand their birth and how it happened, as “stuff” could come up for them as well during the birth of your own child… and well I don’t know about you – but I only want to pass on the good stuff and leave the rest to history – in the past where it belongs.

I have had many people say to me- what was your mothers experience at birth? How have the other women in your family given birth? This will be some indication of what your own experience will be – I say bollocks – yes, its wonderful to be aware and to especially deal with any emotional baggage that may be lingering as I believe this can most definitely impact on an emotional level without us even knowing, but I also believe you create your own physical experience, you create your own state of mind, you create your own attitudes and beliefs around what is possible for you, your partner,  and the birth of your  baby and sure whilst medical conditions and perhaps complications should be noted – they are not something that need to be your focus.

You are an individual and no 2 women are the same, go forth and create your own experience – whatever that may be for you…. Do it with awareness, love and authenticity.

That’s enough for my bandwagon today! Have a wonderful week beautiful souls….and if anyone has any questions, would like some guidance on how to approach this with their own mothers or partners or even just have a comment, please dont hesitate to contact me – I am only too happy to talk it through with you!

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